You Fucking Disgrace

In all honesty those words have been in my head since...
I cant even remember
I cant remember if someone said it to me or if I said it to myself
all I know is they just play on repeat and I cant get them out of my head
im kind of worried that maybe im mentally sick
everytime I get all proud of myself whether its about my looks or my art or even school work my conscious always shoots me down and the last words are always with in the lines of "you fucking disgrace" "you fucking idiot" "you fucking weirdo"
I can barely start a conversation with people because im terrified that those words will come from their mouths.

at work I was having a conversation with my co-worker about the super bowl. I explained to him that I only have my playstation to watch things on(youtube and/or Netflix), so I wasn't big on football, but I want to be able to watch it and stuff. Then we started talking about teams and I said I wouldn't root for the Philly Eagles cause, lets be honest..they fucking suck, so he said, "you would probably like the Panthers, because youre a cat person." and IMMEDIATLY I got upset and tried defending myself by saying, "im an animal person, not just cats"

I just-..
why did that offend me so much?
why am I always bringing myself down?
...
I need help..maybe professional help...
but im too ashamed to do anything about it